I think I stuffed up !@#$%^&*( - BIGTIME

I have stuffed up today...Bigtime.....I had not one but almost 2 whole family bars of cadbury creme brulee chocolates.

I am still reeling from the whys of why I did it? What made me reach for it? Am I really serious about this weightloss journey? and also it makes me think of fri and sat which is when I am meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant and at our place. Life afterall stops for noone and I am not about to close myself in my house and cease any form of social life to lose weight. I will have to lose this weight and this means giving more thought to how I live my life and how I plan to incorporate food around my new life.

The decisions I have made after today are - No more chocolate until I can manage it or for a minimum of one month at the very least. I find that chocolate manages me instead of the other way around and so I will need to cease socialising with creme brulee in a romantic date for 2!!

The bottom line is that I want to lose weight and this means that I will need to have habits of healthy people and although there is a very slight margin of error it certainly does not mean that I can make these errors willy nilly.

I am still trying to understand why I had it? I know it was not hunger or even a craving. I think I can put it down to feeling like the goal was too far away, feeling some amount of work related stress owing to work I need to get done for the promotion and the boss giving me something absolutely unrealistic!! Mainly I think it is also indiscipline of the last many many years taking over to something it knew best. I feel like I need to believe in myself a bit more than I do. I need to believe I can do this and I will do this.

I take away from today that I will work on my self belief and discipline for the rest of the week. After all I have blown all form of calories today and I will have to make sure I exercise really really well and also eat superbly. I can do this and I will. Weight day is Tuesday and I will come good. I bloody well have to! I have spent too many years feeling fat and frumpy and I want to change it this year - once and for all.