Dietadventures-currymunchin

Boxing and all.....revisiting week 1

2010-05-23T20:28:00.000+10:00

It has been a strange couple of weeks. I went back to boxing and loved it...it was an hour and 15 mins of full on movement and having gone back to it after months and months I could sense that my right hook was no longer a weapon...however...a workout it certainly was....later that night I was in severe pain...hubby had to bring my dinner to me in the bedroom!! I think I was basically paralysed. COULD NOT MOVE AT ALL PEOPLE!!! Initially I thought that I would go every sat however...the timings do not suit me at all. My gym has them only once a week and on sat at 1.30 which is a real awkward time. Neither here nor there. If it was early morning, I could easily go off and proceed with my day. This way it sort of takes over the Saturday and leaves me with nothing of the day after the class. My husband is hugely supportive and would be cool about it but I just feel that if I am not happy with the balance then sooner or later it will not work and will leave me with even less time with the husband seeing our lives are already so busy during the week and also now that I am going back to gym during the week and am not likely to be home before 8pm.
So although my arse was kicked hard and I loved it...I have decided not to continue with the boxing classes. I will have to drag my arse and do some cycling with my lovely supportive husband instead. This weekend we went to Bentleigh and then cycled back - a total bike ride of 18km. So if we could manage a few more of these on the weekend, I think weekend activity is sorted.
Meanwhile I have been re-thinking my 12 week plan. The first 2 weeks quite frankly have not worked leading me to surmise that I am either setting too high a benchmark or there is some lack of complete commitment from my end. Rather than sit and philosophize on either of these, I have decided to treat the first 2 weeks as a warm up and start again. This time I will be smarter about it. I have a meeting with my gym nutritionist tomorrow to nut out some issues and then we go from there. If she cancels this appointment AGAIN then with or without her the plan will begin and I will not be a happy cookie.
I had set my 1st weeks goal as WATER. The core ingredient of our life on this planet. I had set the goal at 3 litres a day and found that I could not keep to it in these wintry days. Water for me meant - plain water - I did not count teas or coffees, soups..any other liquids. Just plain good old water.I am marking the new goal as 2.5 - 3 litres water. This will make it still challenging but not unachievable. So let the games be declared open yet again. This time there will be no turning back. After all I cannot see myself re-starting the 12 week challenge repeatedly. Any suggestions are more than welcome including any ways to increase the number of hours from 24 to 36??? Anyone???

Im joining Boxing classes...la...la...la

2010-05-11T15:36:00.000+10:00

Hi All,
This is it. I am joining boxing classes. These ones are held every friday and my fave trainer is taking these classes. I am so chuffed and I am going back to the gym after about 5 months owing to my ankle. I have let the bloody ankle get the better of me and this winter I am determined to do the best I can and give it my best shot. I have realised that I keep waiting:
- waiting for a job in the city so going to the gym is easier
- waiting for the ankle to get perfect when I can at least do weights and cardio using bicycle etc instead of the treadmill
- waiting to move up a grade at work to be able to easily afford classes when my health should be the priority

I am done with waiting...I am going to get out there and make it happen. It has to be this way and I know my lovely husband Rob will be supportive all the way even though it is a shame that the classes are on Sat only. So my first class is on Sat at 1.30 which is a shit of a time and neither here nor there but hey if this is how it is to be then so be it.
More later
Wish everyone much health and happiness

Week 1 lessons: I call it invisible-eating - Importance of a food diary

2010-05-08T12:11:00.011+10:00

Hi All,

Well this week I decided to weigh myself for analysis purposes and it did not go well results wise although it did tell me a lot about myself in terms of eating and behaviour. Hence I am happy to have weighted myself everyday. Well I present to you the results below:

Date Wgt G/L % BF M

5/05 113.2 0.8 0.7 46.2 57.8 20k bikeride, 3 litres water - a good day

6/05 113.7 1.3 1.1 44.9 59.5 rained, 15 min walk, 3 litres water

7/05 112.7 .30 .30 50.9 52.6 timtams, 30 min walk, no 3 litres

8/05 112.7 .30 .30 50.9 52.6 remaining timtams, 6 cupcakes, did not weigh

9/05 114.1 1.7 1.5 51.6 52.5 yum cha, 2 desserts at tend of meal, 2 glasses of wine, serve of chocolate ice-cream

D = Date

G/L= Gain/Loss

% = Gain/Loss Percentage

BF = Body Fat

M = Muscle

I should not really be surprised as i used to be in the past. One of the things that I have now OFFICIALLY learned about my eating patterns is that I tend to eat without feeling hungry and even realising a lot of the time that I am eating crap. I am so manic in the consumption of these 'empty' foods that it is only post the feeding frenzy when I analyse my behaviour I acknowledge that the food did not nourish me in anyway and apart from the first 1 second when I derive the pleasure of the river of chocolate course down my gullet!!

In terms of the water challenge, I sort of dropped the ball this week by not meeting it 2 days in a row. I have no excuses bar that we had guests over this weekend and so it is hard to continue the commitment to drink up whilst playing ho0st and running to the loos everywhere we visit. But all in all this is still not a good excuse and I know it. So the challenge must carry on although the results are that I lost this one. In this whole journey the one thing that keeps bringing it home to me is the importance of keeping a food diary. Although this approach does not suit everyone, I do know that this does work for me. When ever I have tried it it has worked for me and my successes have happened however big or small.

Anyhoo, this will carry me into week 2 and maybe writing a food diary can be my challenge for week 2. That way I will have to carry this challenge for the remaining 11 weeks of the challenge. After all the purpose of the 12 week challenge is to get into good habits and make little challenges count. Calorieking has a lovely site that is free, I am familiar with it and it works for me. So yes, I will make this my challenge. Keeping mind of course that in week 2 I don't just have to write the food diary but also keep to the 3 litres of water. So it is barely week 2 but is already getting difficult.

This challenge business is getting me all excited and enthused. So I have decided to throw some more things in here just so I can refer to it later. My aims for the end of the 12 weeks are:

Losing 7 kilos
Meeting 80 percent of my challenges at the minimum
Being more active

I have been wondering what the reward should be for a while now and I think I know. I have seen these bedside tables in ISHKA and I know I can get them cheaper in India but who is going to carry them for me from INDIA??? They cost $265 each and would work perfectly in the guest bedroom. If they are sold out by the end of the challenge, I guess the reward must be anything that appeals to me at the value of $500. I think that is fair. Of course it cannot be related to food in any shape or form.

For me the goal is also related to kilos and at the end of the 12 weeks I would like to see my weight down by 7 kilos. Considering the starting weight was 113.20, the goal weight is 106.20. Seeing I am now 114.10, I have quite clearly made things more difficult for myself as i now need to lose 7.9 kilos. Again a situation I am responsible for putting myself into. However, all is not lost yet as there are 11 weeks to go and I know I can do it. Until next time.....

Week 1 lessons: I call it invisible-eating - Importance of a food diary

2010-05-08T10:51:00.000+10:00

Hi All,

Well this week I decided to weigh myself everyday for analysis purposes. It did not go to well results wise although I am happy to have weighed myself everyday. The results below:

Date Kilos Gain/Lost % Gain/loss Body Fat Muscle

So I guess the above tells the story of the results I have this week. One of the things I did end up doing whilst writing this blog was to go and reach for the chocolate ice-cream in the freezer. I guess this is my 'dummy' and I did put a spoon in my mouth and then emptied my bowl of ice-cream back into the container and said to myself ' this will not change anything. I will continue to weigh what I do as I will end up keeping on making the same mistakes again and again. So lets stop now. With that I grabbed an apple instead.

In terms of the water challenge, I sort of dropped the ball this week by not meeting it for 2 days. I have no excuses bar that we had guests over this weekend and it is so hard to continue to commitment to drink up whilst in the middle of playing host etc. However this is a pissweak excuse and so I must simply do better next week. So the challenge must carry on although the results are that I lost this one. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is the importance of writing a food diary. I know this approach does not suit everyone but I do know that in the past when I have written a food diary I have succeeded in writing a food diary.

Anyhoo, this will carry me into week 2 when I get to choose another challenge. Perhaps this should be my challenge for week 2.That way I can be certain that I will write it for the remaining 11 weeks of the challenge. After all the purpose of my challenge is to get into the good habits. All simple things but important things, little things but all together can pack quite a punch. So yes I will actually make this the challenge for week 2. Each weekly challenge is to be measured in terms of for 6 of 7 days I should get it right and I have quite obviously not. I could earn points back to pass this challenge down the line but I have still to think of how I would go about this. Ideas are welcome.

This challenge business is getting me all excited and so I have decided on throwing some more things in there. Well the few goals I would like to see myself in by the end of this challenge are:

- loss of 7 kilos

- meeting 80% of my challenges

- being fitter

The reward is something I have been thinking of for a while now and I think it could even be these sets of bedside tables I saw at this place called ISHKA. I know they are made in India and all and I would get them cheaper and all of that but the point is who is going to cart them here for me??? And if end up getting sold out then I will simply have to think of something else. Who knows $500 equivalent of something or other that is not food related. I guess I will simply have to take photos of something and put those up next? For me the goal at this stage is really to get the weight down. Of course I will count the weight from the starting weight which was 113.20 making the goal 106.20 and the fact that I am now 114.10 means I have only made my life more difficult needing me to now lose close to 8 kilos. However, I still believe that this is not an impossible goal given the 11 weeks I still have at hand if I use the time smartly. So hey Goal for week 2- 3 litres of water a day and

Writing food diary

05/05/2010	113.20	0.80	0.7%	46.2%	57.8%
06/05/2010	113.70	1.30	1.1%	44.9%	59.5%
07/05/2010	112.70	0.30	0.3%	50.9%	52.6%
08/05/2010	112.70	0.30	0.3%	50.9%	52.6%
09/05/2010	114.50	2.10	1.9%	49.1%	56.9%
10/05/2010	114.10	1.70	1.5%	51.6%	52.5%

Week1 day 2

2010-05-04T21:45:00.000+10:00

3 litres of water done - this is going to be challenging I can see that. Boy it is hard this one as it is getting to winter in Oz and I dont really feel like drinking water.

What I could have avoided today is some caramel I had - rather scoffed just before meeting a friend and also not had a muffin

Exercise did not happen as the plan to walk the 3km to the car did not take place due to pelting rain. Tomorrow is going to have to be better.

Weight patters analysis will take place on Sunday night so no mention until then

Week1 Day 1: 3 litres water

2010-05-03T21:24:00.002+10:00

So week one is to be all about getting 3 liters water or more inside me. Each week I will pick a weekly theme and try my best to meet the theme. The catch is that I have to progressively keep the theme from the week before in addition to the current one. So for instance in week 5 I will have to keep to all my previous weeks themes. why? to make it interesting. To learn discipline but not in a cold turkey sort of way and hey....to experiment and see if such a system works for me? For me to take the responsibility of choosing my weekly themes and adhere to them. After all...this is all one big journey and if something works then I will benefit.

So now for the stats. Well the horrendous stats are in and my details are:
Weight: 113.2
Muscle: 57.8
Fat: 46.2

Umm a reality check to see how much fat I am carrying. I will be weighing myself everyday and this is purely from a researchers perspective and not because I am being obsessive. For anyone that knows me well I am among the people that run miles away from weighing machines. So in that sense I have detached from the numbers that display on the machine. I don't process them in my mind and if I make a comment in relation to them, then it is purely as a number and I do not pontificate on hurling the blame game upon myself. By profession I am a researcher and so it is only natural I should be curious.

So what could I have done better today? Not had Milo at bedtime, not had a muffin, some biscuits.

What could I be more consistent in?
Well what I am really pleased about today and the real success of my day today is that I rode to work and also rode back. All up I did about 20 kilometers and not only did I ride, I screamed through the city with my beloved husband in front of me on his push bike. Whats more? I enjoyed it. I plan to do this at least 3 times a week.The other success is that I had 3 liters of water and yes plain water. I am not counting coffees or teas or any sort of beverage. Plain water only in my water challenge thank you.

So I go to bed a happy woman - content and I want more of the contentment days. Head space feels great and I feel like I am glowing from inside.

12 week Plan and a week theme

2010-05-02T22:20:00.000+10:00

From tomorrow - I start my 12 week plan to health. and no I am not planning on being miss perfect or anything. I am just using the next 12 weeks to be a better me healthwise and no achievement is too small. Each week I plan on having a theme. So next weeks is More water. The plan is to ensure that I drink at least 3 litres. For my weight I need to drink something in the vicinity of 4.2 odd litres or something similar. Well to make it achievable and yet challenging I have set the theme to be 3 litres which in the approaching winter is no mean feat (for those of us in Australia). Measurements will follow tomorrow as also weight but I plan not to pay any attention to it.

I find that over the years and after having tried virtually everything - we have made fitness overly complicated and with a lot of fads. The bottom line really is 'Eat less move more'. I am going to try very hard to remember this as my mantra. So let the drums roll and the party begin!!

Hello hello I am back

2010-05-01T22:46:00.000+10:00

Ive been away for a long long while and the update is that since my last post, I have bought a home with my husband, settled and moved in and all, gone for a wedding to the other end of this great big country we call Australia, applied for and gotten my citizenship, busted my ankle in January as a result of rock climbing, been looking for a corner to sulk and cry and also realized that looking for corners to cry in do not make the problem go away and so here I am back and all. I now weight 113.3 kilos. I still have an ankle that is not in the best condition but at least i can walk and cycle. So this blog for me will be a place to vent - on a good day share how I feel and analyze why it was such a success and on a bad day look for inspiration and ideas from others' blogs.

10 % of my body weight means loss of 11 kilos or being 99 kilos

2010-02-08T21:01:00.000+11:00

The story thus far..........

I will not repeat the saga of my bad ankle and all but due to this, I fell off the wagon as nothing was worth it in my eyes. I had started so well and then I busted my ankle and now it was going to be back to being all weighty and all. I will never be toned and healthy I thought.

Today i picked myself up from the ground and said to myself that I was not enjoying being unhealthy. The days have long gone where once I fell off the wagon, I was quite happy to be off it and binged like mad. This time binging for me meant having a couple of magnum ice creams on a really really bad day instead of a 2 litre tub of ice cream and then self hate!

I have read so many blogs that by now I know what the successful weight loss gals have as a formula... simply eat less move more. I

New goals: 10 per cent of body weight comes to 99 kilos.
How? No paranoia, just consistency. Activity will be hard and close to impossible given that the physio has said that I need to rest the ankle for the next 5 more weeks. This is frustrating but if I really watch my food like a hawk, I should make some minor headway and when I am ready to get back to exercise then I should find it easier (if you can ever calling losing weight that!!) than having to get used to suddenly being healthy.

Update since the last time

2010-02-02T11:25:00.000+11:00

There has been a spanner in the works since the last time I blogged. Last week my husband and I spent the day cycling along the Yarra (river in Melbourne) and then spotted a rock wall and decided to try it. I felt strong and as there werent any other people around I thought I might try it.

It all started well and I climbed it without a problem and then decided to move down. At the last step I thought I had a grip but did not and then had a fall. The drop would have been no more than a meter but as I was not expecting the fall it felt like a lot more when I did fall. All 100 kilos and more of me fell onto the ankle and within 30 seconds the ankle doubled in size. I just could not even stand let alone walk. Eventually we had to get the ambo's to come and get me and then wheel me out as we had the river on one side and the cycle track was the only way to enter or exit the area. The ambo's were lovely. They quickly assessed that I had not broken the ankle which was the good news and then advised that although they could take me to emergency, as I was not dying or bleeding I would be waiting a long time at emergency and so it might just be the best idea to go home and attend to the ankle with ice and loads of rest and then get back to getting it checked out the next day. So thats what we did.
The pain was really intense and I just could not walk. My husband would get me to sit on the study chair and wheel me to the loo and back when I needed to go which was quite hilarious. As I try and drink a lot of water at one point he askedme just how much water I did drink!! :)
The next day we got to the physio who referred us off to get X-rays. Good news...No fractures!!! But having said that I really do not like the physio. She talks only to my husband and not me. Highly annoying considering she is Chinese but considers herself as more Australian than Chinese...lives with her parents but then has had bordering on superiority towards other Chinese type conversations and talks more than she attends to my ankle which is what she gets paid $70 for per visit! I don't get why she will not include me in the conversations. My husband noticed this too and today he walked and stood behind me which meant she would have to look at me too to speak to him. Even then she made no eye contact with me and same thing continued and I might as well have not been in the room. Rude I say!!Then she wants me to go to work but also do 10 lots of different exercises, ice my foot but does not believe I need to rest the ankle. All this when the ankle is blue and purple and swells up after a 30 minute walk!!!
So she is going to be dismissed and I have made an appointment with another physio tomorrow. Hopefully he will be better. And with that I am off my soapbox!.
Food wise things have ground to a halt. I am not drinking as much water. It is too painful walking to the loo every 30 minutes as my husband is off to work after taking a days carers leave. I am not eating the best I can but it has not been what I used to be. I know that I will be better soon. I am a bit annoyed about having to sit all day and have been passing time reading and trying to pack up some boxes sitting down as we will also be moving house in 6 weeks.

My way of life these days

2010-01-25T15:02:00.000+11:00

Breakfast: 1/2 cup rolled oats with 80ml lite soy milk and 20 gm protein pdr

Mid Morning: An apple and 12 unsalted almonds

Lunch: Cucumber, tomato, John West smoked salmon (drained), Beetroot, and any salady type stuff with 150gm of home baked bread

Mid arvo: 250g berries, 220 plain yoghurt and 40g protein pdr (I usually just whizz it into a smoothie and have half now and half post dinner)

Dinner: 220gm fish or kangaroo with veggies

I exercise monday to friday and clock up about 10 hours of exercise and a cpl more hours of walking.

I have decided that this is the way I want to eat for the rest of my life and do not like calling it a diet. I avergae upto 1500 calories a day and of these I ensure that fat % is about 15% and no more. The calorieking website is great for this as it works it all out for me. I know that there are days when I will eat rubbish but I am hoping that these days will be no more than once a week. I am also trying not to focus on weight as it does my head in. I know in my head that I feel a lot better than before by doing these things. I will weigh and measure myself once a month and then forget all about it. These days I like myself a little bit more which is a huge thing for me. It is still summer here in Melbourne, Australia and so I hope to get some bike rides in with my husband. Thats the plan for the summer so lets see what happens.

In terms of recipes, hubby and I are experimenting a lot more with food. One salad I absolutely love is the one where we use rocket or arugula leaves, some lettuce and spinach, crumble in some low fat feta cheese, chop finely cucumber, red and green capsicum and thinly slice some radish. In this we finely slice some red chilli which has been soaked in vinegar....this is available from our supermarket and then we also hand crush some capers and mash em into the chilli paste which we run into the chopped salad. Lastly we sprinkle some lemon juice on this salad and sprinkle some cracked pepper. This, we eat with a side of some form of protein such as fish or kangaroo and it is so yummy.

My displaced hormones

2010-01-19T21:59:00.000+11:00

The days I find really really difficult are those where I feel like I am not in control of my eating. I feel almost as though I am hypnotised and am totally under the power of a strong force within me. These are usually moments when I am staring at chocolates in the supermarket and am having a full blown conversation with myself as to whether I should go for the family bar or be 'good' and only have a couple of pieces of the rather yummy fudge. Then I also go through the parallel conversation with the other side of my head that tells me that it isnt really good to have either and I try and think of how painful the gym workout was even though it made me feel great and challenged and all things good. I seem to have improved in some areas as these days I only go through these chats within my head during my period. Which brings me to the 'now'. I have been going crazy feeling like burying my head into a chocolate laden cake and cannot seem to.

Hence to gain some perspective I am going to list some reasons as to why I really want to lose this weight:

- To look and feel healthy
- To live longer - at present I am morbidly obese and I do not want to die of stroke.
- TO HAVE A CHILD with the lovely man I call 'my husband, my partner, my love and also my BESTEST FRIEND in the whole wide world'.

There are all these clothes I have bought in the years gone by to have that sexy corporate look. Today I was going through my boxes as we are moving to our first home. I could not fit into any but I remember thinking of the moment when I bought these clothes. I felt I was just about to fit into the clothes and it was only a matter of time....mayb 6 months at most. I never in my wildest imagination thought that 6 years later I was yet to fit my arse into the pants. These clothes, being classic can still be worn and now I still feel that I cannot give these clothes away as I must give it one last shot and try and fit into them by the end of this year. So these clothes will be taken to the new place and stashed away at the back of my cupboard. The clothes are not all that unrealistic to fit into either. They are all sizes 14 or 16 australian. However it will require a stronger sense of commitment that I have right now. I am proud of being really healthy at present but I cannot make too many mistakes if I am to fit my arse into the pants. I know that I have at least 10-12 kilos to lose before I can even dream of getting into the pants and shirts but I know that as long as I record my thoughts in my blog and read other blogs and their challenges, successes and journey and as long as I try and be the best that I can be, I will be right. I do not want to over-focus on a weight number as that will just do my head in and if I do not see the number I want I will be absolutely shattered.

So I need to get back to the food diary and not miss any gym and most of all pretty much 'EAT LESS MOVE MORE'. By 'eat less' I do not mean that I should starve, it just means that I should do what I am doing and just increase my protein a bit more. Calories wise I will aim for 1300-1400 calories a day.

A kilo less and continued consistency required

2010-01-18T00:10:00.000+11:00

Since my last blog I have lost 1.2 kilos in 13 days. To some this alone might be cause for celebration but moi!! This is how I reacted.....

Initially it seemed to me that the weightloss was very little. I was working on 1500 calories a day and exercising a total of 12 intense hours a week. In fact in week 1 I lost 100gms and I was really shattered. I had really been anal about the food I was eating and making sure that it was good wholesome food. I was not eating out and I was also making sure that whatever I was eating was good fibrous food and not fatty junk.

Breakfast was oats and soymilk
Lunch 2 pieces of home baked bread with loads of salad and no dressing and a can of tinned and drained salmon
Mid arvo I make up a strawberry smoothie with some protein powder
Dinner usually comprises of some form of salad and kangaroo meat or tofu etc

So why wasnt I losing more weight?

One answer I have gotten is that a loss of 1.2 kilos is not too bad for 13 days and that weightloss for me might mean a consistent approach. In the past what has happened for me is that I have given up time and time again when I have not seen weightloss worth the name. I seem to expect that as long as I do my bit it should just drop off. Whereas what I need to remember is that I need to forget about the weightloss bit and just continue to be healthy and that it will all fall into place on its own.

My trainer at gym tells me that I should not be looking at the weighing scaled even once a week and should look at them once in 6 weeks and at that point also get my fat and muscle percentage assessed at the same time to identify how much fat and muscle ratio has changed and go from there. This seems like good advice and so for the next 2 weeks I will give this a shot.

4, 5 pick up sticks.....

2010-01-07T23:11:00.001+11:00

Day 4 and 5 have been relatively good. Protein shakes were introduced yesterday. I have found in the past that the level of protein I would like to have is simply not achievable without the protein shakes. It seems to be the quickest and most efficient way to get some protein into me. I do not really eat meats other than kangaroo and hence find that this helps me with my protein requirement.

One of the things I am finding very challenging is drinking water. Thanks to Lyns blog I came across the water link which tells me that I am to drink 4 litres. Today I have achieved 3.6 litres. It is so hard to consume 4 litres of water!!! But I will persevere as I do feel a lot better already.

Exercising has been hard. Each part of my body aches and moans and groans but I do it. It makes me feel much better and I feel happier when it is all over and done with. Today I did 3 km in 28mins and 40 seconds and am very proud of myself. I did not think I could. I ran and walked hard and panted and died a million deaths but did it. This time might not seem like anything to some that race through and boy at the gym I did see some girls run and run. However for me this is a huge achievement and I am happy. I did weights and all up my workout weights and cardio laster an hour and a half and I felt good right after. I walk to the gym and back which is a 15 min walk across a hill and back. So I had all up 2 hours of exercise. Excellent.

Foodwise I sort of stuffed up today. I am trying to keep my calories to 1500 and fat intake to between 15-20% of my daily intake but as I was hungry and waiting for husband to get home from work I ate a handful of walnuts which took the fat from 18% to 50%. Blew it out completely. Although my calories also went up to about 1600 calories which is not too bad, it was annoying to blow out fat wise. Moral of the story: eat your dinner if husband is late instead of pecking around! Well I also had the opportunity to analyse why I was that hungry especially having drunk so much H2O and realised that fibre was a trite low during lunch and this means more salad at lunch. I am pleased though that I did not reach for shit food but reached for the good fat option - walnuts albeit will closely check out the quantity next time.

Post dinner husband and I went for a little walk round the block. Hubby observed that I was smiling a lot more than I used to and seemed to have more energy even though each muscle was aching. I am looking forward to Tuesdays weigh in...lets see if I have broken ground!!!

Day 3 of eating healthy and learning to live a little

2010-01-05T14:49:00.003+11:00

My wonderful husband asked if I would go for a picnic with him just out of the blue last evening/night. I agreed and so off we went to our favourite picnic spot which although is right in the city has not been discovered..YET! The picture shows our dinner last night and the bottle of beer belongs to my husband and not me. I had a diet gingerbeer. Organising all of this took hardly any time and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. Kangaroo meat with red and green capsicum, mushrooms and tomato. The kangaroo was marinaded in ginger-garlic paste and lemon juice and some cracked pepper et voila!! I am learning that I do not have to wait to enjoy my life until I lose the weight. Being back on my routine, my husband already commented that I was smiling a lot more and seemed a lot happier and relaxed.

It seems to me that I keep things on standby for when I lose weight. What tends to happen is that life tends to go by and I make and break a thousand promises (each time learning a little mind you!) and I find the weight is still there plus or minus a little and I am still sitting on the weightloss platform waiting for the weight train to rumble past so I can put my weighty lard suitcases in. This time I am learning that it is okay to live whilst in your journey to betterment. Whats more - it is healthy for the self and all those around you to do so.

I am excited about myself and the changes to me. So there is good news...I have stuck to eating healthy and have been feeling really good since 3 days. I feel healthy and am not hungry a lot of the time. Of course the greed pangs have not hit home yet. But when they do I will try hard to wait for the one item a week that I am allowed to have. My calories will be around the 1500 mark keeping focus on fat and sugars and I will allow myself one item each week. So it wont be an all day food fiesta but a one item thing only which will be my crave of the week. It will not be a reward at all. I am still thinking of what my 5kilo reward will be and then the 11.1 kilo reward. I weigh 111 kilos at present and a loss of 11.1 will take me to double figures. So here is me raring to go.

Today I also visited the gym and spoke with the nutrition girl. On showing her my food diary I was pleased to note that I have been eating well and very little tweaking was required. Tweaking done, I found that I can now eat more berries and yoghurt. Nutrition-girl also asked me to think of goals and rewards for the next 5 weeks. My goal is a 7 kilo loss in the coming 5 weeks which will take me to 8 Feb. The reward is a bit harder to pick, especially since it cannot be a food related reward. Having rewarded myself with food all along this is challenging. I will give myself one more night to think of this. Suggestions are welcome!

I also weighed myself and am now 111 kilos. In terms of exercise I will be working out from Mon to Fri with additional exercise routine in the afternoons on Mon, wed and Fri. I will also incorporate cycling on the weekends and will try and accompany my husband by bicycle to his office and find my way back most days of the week. All up this will be a round trip of 9 km.

My workout today was also a killer. 1.45 minutes of weights and cardio and also running up and down the stairs 16 times, rowing for 10 mins continuously..and so many other things. But I have taken a month off to be as healthy as can be and so no complaints from my end....I am just glad the show is on the road!

A great first day

2010-01-03T16:48:00.000+11:00

I had a hugely successful first day. I have worked out that I will not go beyond 1700 calories a day although the effort is to keep the calories to between 12-1500 calories. Calorieking is a great website for adding in the information and keeping track. I find that this method works best for me as I cannot be bothered looking up information and noting it down everytime I eat. I like things simple and this makes it easy for me. So yesterdays results were as below.
Calories
You have used 1415 out of your net daily budget of 1700 calories and have 285 calories remaining. 29% of the calories are from fat, 22% from protein, 49% from carbs and 0% from alcohol.
Fat 43.6 / 50g
Protein 76.3 / 114g
Carb. 169 / 200g
What I can take away from the above results is that it was a great day but I could do with a bit more protein. I did not feel starved by any stretch of imagination as I did eat loads of salad and mixed it up with veggies etc. I miss dessert and so I took 100 gms of yoghurt and threw some berries in it and also some pomegranate in it with splenda and froze it a bit. After dinner this was my dessert and the freshness and semi ice-cream feel made it delicious.

Activity wise I would have walked around 10-12 km with my husband. We needed to buy something from Xmas sales and instead of taking the train and tram we walked. I felt mighty proud of completing the walk. My legs ached initially and I could feel a lower back ache but I plodded on. We did end up having 2 coffees but the way we do it is to have half a coffee each and enjoy it. I now find that I cannot have a full coffee on my own. This way we save money and also enjoy 2 pitstops. Although this did not start as a $$$$ saving drill, it is a good strategy to have towards being healthy.

My weight and my measurements are...

2010-01-02T10:32:00.000+11:00

My weight and my measurements are...
It is the 1st of January 2010 and I am back. This is not going to be one of the new year resolutions where I promise to be healthy for ever and ever. I am here simply because i have had the epiphany that I must be back here for my health and must get back on the horse again!

My stats:
Boobs 125.5 cm
Waist 132.5 cm
Abdomen 131 cm
Thigh 81 cm
Calf 49 cm
Arm 45 cm
Weight 113 or 114 kg by my weighing scales which are usually not trustworthy so I will wait and get to my gym and go with those as those are the digital ones I usually follow.

The Plan: I have taken the rest of the month off from work to focus on getting a good start, eating well, exercising well and being healthy and active. It is becoming more and more important to me to become healthy and seeing that I am approaching the big 40 in the end of March, I want to give myself the chance to becoming as close to healthy as I have ever been. I have had a reasonably unhealthy Xmas where it isnt the typical story of 'its Xmas and of course everyone indulges in excess'. However, I have identified that the moment I smell a whiff of success I immediately indulge in self sabotage. What is annoying is that after finally identifying it, I continued to do it yet again and this time I am determined not to do so again. Hence, like a meditation course, I am devoting a month to myself where I am the focus. I have never done this before in my life and I dont know if i will ever have the opportunity to do so again - after all, I am not a millionaire that can afford to not go to work!! Further details of this one month time off decision will be take the form of another blog.

My Team: consists of my trainer and his wife who is into nutrition and most of all my husband. I have been banned from taking on the role of housewife meanwhile as my gorgeous husband reckons that as this month is all about getting a really good start, the focus must continue to be activity and nutrition as I will be challenged in every way and getting bogged down in becoming the housewife will firstly end up with me spending more time in household chores after gym and also having to deal with more temptations and secondly it will take me away from experimenting with other activities I may not have tried before.Our gameplan is for me to be busy and active to the point where I will sleep well because my body will have earned it, I will have tired it to satisfying levels and hence instead of cooking and ironing whilst Dr Phil and Oprah will wax eloquent, I will be either jogging my brain in a library in between gym and swimming or explore Melbourne cycling along the Yarra trail.

FEARS: I'd be lying if I said there were no fears. I am afraid to fail as I have taken this time out for me and feel a bit selfish. However, having faced my fears with my husband my best friend that he is, I am just trying to toss such thoughts out of my head to give myself the best possible chance ever! So lets declare the challenge open..... :)
Hungerpangs
Temptations
Pressure

GOAL for the month: To be true to myself and to be the best that I can be

Back again

2010-01-02T10:26:00.000+11:00

My weight and my measurements are...
It is the 1st of January 2010 and I am back. This is not going to be one of the new year resolutions where I promise to be healthy for ever and ever. I am here simply because i have had the epiphany that I must be back here for my health and must get back on the horse again!

My stats:
Boobs 125.5 cm
Waist 132.5 cm
Abdomen 131 cm
Thigh 81 cm
Calf 49 cm
Arm 45 cm
Weight 113 or 114 kg by my weighing scales which are usually not trustworthy so I will wait and get to my gym and go with those as those are the digital ones I usually follow.

The Plan: I have taken the rest of the month off from work to focus on getting a good start, eating well, exercising well and being healthy and active. It is becoming more and more important to me to become healthy and seeing that I am approaching the big 40 in the end of March, I want to give myself the chance to becoming as close to healthy as I have ever been. I have had a reasonably unhealthy Xmas where it isnt the typical story of 'its Xmas and of course everyone indulges in excess'. However, I have identified that the moment I smell a whiff of success I immediately indulge in self sabotage. What is annoying is that after finally identifying it, I continued to do it yet again and this time I am determined not to do so again. Hence, like a meditation course, I am devoting a month to myself where I am the focus. I have never done this before in my life and I dont know if i will ever have the opportunity to do so again - after all, I am not a millionaire that can afford to not go to work!! Further details of this one month time off decision will be take the form of another blog.

My Team: consists of my trainer and his wife who is into nutrition and most of all my husband. I have been banned from taking on the role of housewife meanwhile as my gorgeous husband reckons that as this month is all about getting a really good start, the focus must continue to be activity and nutrition as I will be challenged in every way and getting bogged down in becoming the housewife will firstly end up with me spending more time in household chores after gym and also having to deal with more temptations and secondly it will take me away from experimenting with other activities I may not have tried before.Our gameplan is for me to be busy and active to the point where I will sleep well because my body will have earned it, I will have tired it to satisfying levels and hence instead of cooking and ironing whilst Dr Phil and Oprah will wax eloquent, I will be either jogging my brain in a library in between gym and swimming or explore Melbourne cycling along the Yarra trail.

FEARS:I'd be lying if I said there were no fears. I am afraid to fail as I have taken this time out for me and feel a bit selfish. However, having faced my fears with my husband my best friend that he is, I am just trying to toss such thoughts out of my head to give myself the best possible chance ever! So lets declare the challenge open..... :)

Hungerpangs
Temptations
Pressure

GOAL for the month: To be true to myself and to be the best that I can be

Forming Habits

2009-06-21T20:03:00.001+10:00

I am learning so many new things everyday - mostly positive:
I know that I enjoy exercise and being challengd by my trainer. This makes me happy because before today I did not know this. I said to my husband this morning - "you know I cannot imagine not exercising!". The moment I said these words I realised this was a first. In this long journey I believe that this is a great outcome for me. I can very easily not move. It comes naturally to me and I have to usually remember to move - to exercise. The journey to now feeling that I cannot NOT exercise has come about as a result of persistence and habit forming HAVING to exercise.

There will always be the threat of going back to the old ways but as long as I am aware as I have just become today - I will consciously have to decide NOT to exercise to get to the point of feeling unfit. I still have a lot of weight to lose but today I am happy that an intrinsic part of me - (my inherent tendency to not move) has been altered (for the moment) and whats more I am aware of this.

This means that I now have one less thing to work on and can focus on maintaining this whilst getting my food and nutrition correct. I know there is tremendous room for improvement here. It feels a bit comforting to know I have one less thing to get right. Nevertheless this does not take away the importance of making sure I do not fall off the exercise bandwagon. As per a blog I read earlier today I must "check in" focussing on food improvement. This "checking in" philosophy made me realise how high a bar I set for myself each time and of course I had to fail it at some point or other and then I beat myself for it and of course got onto the food bandwagon and continued the see saw. So instead of trying to be an army general trying to bring myself into line I want to recognise the failures and learn from them and move on. I dont want to make myself the mental wreck I have been making myself but instead I will think and eat and learn from the mistakes and NOT binge.

Heres looking forward to tomorrow CARPE DIEM!

All them blogs and all

2009-06-18T22:49:00.001+10:00

I went to gym today and exercised and it felt good as I was really pushed to the limits of my existence by my trainer. Although food was not perfect it was not rubbish either. Tomorrow will be better.

I came across dietgirls excel spreadsheet and 'borrowed it' so I could use it. I am hoping this tool will really help me. This spreadsheet automatically adds up the weekly weigh in and also tells you without having to count on all fingers and toes how much is left to go. I liked this spreadsheet and will be using it. Note: must thank dietgirl!! I find there are so many tools on dietgirls website that it feels like one has entered a treasuretrove of sorts.

Another blog i find highly inspiring is Galateas. I guess since I have a personal trainer and also like bike riding I see a few similarities already and it is such a well written blog.

Moral of the story for me is to utilise the experience of others and pick what works for me and use it to my advantage and goal achievement. Long live blog world. I just love the range of information one can exchange!!

Condensed milk...anyone????

2009-06-17T21:28:00.000+10:00

I have gone completely off the rails the last 2 weeks. Today I almost had a tin of condensed milk...correction...I just went to the kitchen and finshed the last dregs of it...so it is done.....I have finished a whole tin of condensed milk!!! I have not done this for a while now and I had thought I had gone past all of this....but clearly not!!

I then went trawling through different blogs to get some thing to stick in my brain and one of the blogs titles Gwennie said 'I am strong, I am smart, I am fit, I am healthy' and it struck me that minus the condensed milk I did see myself as smart, fit and healthy but the difference was I did not believe it and did not display it. I tend to fall down when I am succeeding...i tend to sabotage myself. Why? no idea? maybe it is coz I do not want to believe I can succeed coz I already believe I won't and in making that my truth I dont leave space to be proven wrong? Now how is that for a head fuck?? I must be mad

I will do better tomorrow and I will write a blog tomorrow. This is my mantra for the next 24 hours... and yes I will also write my food diary on calorieking.

Cut myself slack!!!

2009-06-07T22:48:00.000+10:00

Well there have been ups and downs all through since I last blogged. On the + side I have succeeded in getting my arse to the gym for the last 3 weeks a total of 14 times - pretty much Monday to Friday straight through - a feat I am terribly proud of and each of these sessions have been pretty much an hour and a half each time. My eating habits have been pretty much a whole lot better than before although the last week I have stuffed around and hence have no idea if I was average or really bad as I have not filled in the calorie blog. The one I use is http://www.calorieking.com.au/ . This blog got me started really well and it made me think of what I was putting in my mouth. It is great especially because it counts the calories and tells me where I am at. I found that whilst earlier I used to write my diary - it was not hugely efficient as I either put in wrong amounts or did not know the kilojoules/calories for the foods and hence probably ended up counting different calories to what I was eating. On the negative side I have slacked off writing my diary and that in my life means that when I do not want to officially feel like shit for not putting in my 100% I stop writing. I think this is because I do not want to lie in my diary and so I simply do not write. I tried counting on my fingers the items that I should have eaten less of and it is easy to count. Now I know I have been a whole lot worse before. However, I also know that now since I am keenly aware now - even moreso than before, I feel shit for losing some discipline.

My husband is taking photos of me each tuesday in the same clothes and already I notice a difference. Slight but the difference is there. This week we went to dinner at a friends place and she mentioned that I had lost weight, then another friend i met also said something similar. So people have slowly been noticing but I am having a bad day today and feel a bit dishearted as I feel all this is taking forever and wonder if my body will melt little by little and if I will ever be little???? I also ended up meeting a friend who has lost 50 odd kilos and looks like a million dollars now although she made it sound pretty easy and said that all that worked for her was positive reinforcement and she kept telling herself each time she lost weight that she was better at 115 kilos than she had been at 120 kilos. Although I dont think this would work for me, I did come away thinking I needed to give myself more credit than I do.

This weekend my husband and I went cycling to Ballarat. It was cold as..brrrrr...but then once we started cycling along the track it got better as we warmed up. Then halfway through we also shared a lovely romantic moment where we took refuge in a shelter from the rain. Here we shared a blueberry muffin (in days of old I would have gobbled a whole one myself alone!!). Then we rode back but as the bike track was new the rain made the track like sludge and it was really hard to cycle back. I burst into tears about 4 km short and my lovely husband offered to get the car. So I waited for him under a tree reading a book. Earlier I had slipped and scraped my calf and the rain and cold wind directly on wound stung and throbbed like mad. Another reason was that it was so hard to ride in the sludge that I felt that I disappointed myself by not completing the whole trip. I had thought that I was fitter and not completing the trip made me feel that my fitness levels had not changed and hence the disappointment with myself. The truth I know is that yes I am fitter but I am not at my peak. My husband found it "one and a half times harder" and his calves hurt the next morning. Thus with my wanting to lose 40 kilos ideally and 30 for the moment - 1.5 times harder would mean it would have made it feel for me as though I was carrying 16 extra kilos to what I was already carrying!!! So yes I have to cut myself some slack I think!!! So the rule for tomorrow is 1) cut myself some slack and 2) START WRITING THE BLOOMING FOOD DIARY AGAIN!

I think I stuffed up !@#$%^&*( - BIGTIME

2009-05-13T21:54:00.000+10:00

I have stuffed up today...Bigtime.....I had not one but almost 2 whole family bars of cadbury creme brulee chocolates.

I am still reeling from the whys of why I did it? What made me reach for it? Am I really serious about this weightloss journey? and also it makes me think of fri and sat which is when I am meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant and at our place. Life afterall stops for noone and I am not about to close myself in my house and cease any form of social life to lose weight. I will have to lose this weight and this means giving more thought to how I live my life and how I plan to incorporate food around my new life.

The decisions I have made after today are - No more chocolate until I can manage it or for a minimum of one month at the very least. I find that chocolate manages me instead of the other way around and so I will need to cease socialising with creme brulee in a romantic date for 2!!

The bottom line is that I want to lose weight and this means that I will need to have habits of healthy people and although there is a very slight margin of error it certainly does not mean that I can make these errors willy nilly.

I am still trying to understand why I had it? I know it was not hunger or even a craving. I think I can put it down to feeling like the goal was too far away, feeling some amount of work related stress owing to work I need to get done for the promotion and the boss giving me something absolutely unrealistic!! Mainly I think it is also indiscipline of the last many many years taking over to something it knew best. I feel like I need to believe in myself a bit more than I do. I need to believe I can do this and I will do this.

I take away from today that I will work on my self belief and discipline for the rest of the week. After all I have blown all form of calories today and I will have to make sure I exercise really really well and also eat superbly. I can do this and I will. Weight day is Tuesday and I will come good. I bloody well have to! I have spent too many years feeling fat and frumpy and I want to change it this year - once and for all.

Happy or sad: I have lost 300 gms

2009-05-13T21:52:00.000+10:00

I went to gym today and worked out on my cardio for an hour. It felt good although with the flu I found I struggled with the rower especially. All in all I was back after 3 weeks and it felt real good.At the end of the workout I weighed myself. The moment of reality had hit. I wondered if it was a good idea or not. I had my period, was the first weigh in, I had gone a bit over on the fat section last 2 days as per calorie king - although still within calorie limit....I bit the bullet and stood on the weighing machine and at that moment all I wanted was a decrease - just not an increase! The machine told me I had lost 300gms and I tried 4 or 5 times just for good measure. Each time the same result. I have to admit I felt a twinge of disappointment but had to turn it around telling myself that it was a loss and I should try harder next week and I will see better results.My husband M who came to pick me up from gym consoled me saying I really needed to see this as a plus as it was a chip I had done away with and needed to appreciate that. I was trying to change a lifetime of food abuse and it was like walking all over again. I felt sort of half and half by the time I got home. So I guess I still dont know how to feel about the loss of 300 gms.Blogs I read when I got home depict sagas similar to mine. I know it is going to be a hard road but I also know that before I get to India I want to lose between 25-30 kilos just to shock the pants off the family, feel great about our honeymoon - which by then will be a year late, try things comfortably and by that I dont mean just clothes - I mean activities too - I just want my holiday in November to be a celebration of health and happiness. I learn so much from the blogs i read especially Dietgirl and Bridging the gulf.The one thing I have learnt is that we all have our own individual path in our journey to weightloss. What may work for one might not necessarily be workable for another and in this journey I am also working out MY path. My knowledge of fitness is above average and is an interest and passion. I voraciously try and keep abreast of fitness information. When I listen to the so called Gurus of fitness, I realise I know what they are saying, the information they are giving me is not new to me. I am done with working off someone elses formulas - Weightwatchers, Donna Aston (fitness guru in Australia) and trainers and the like. While they have the advantage of being specialists in their fields, none of them know my body and mind like I do. What works for client 1, might not work for client one million and I often find that sometimes one can become just a number. I have decided that I will use the tools these businesses have to offer - tools that I choose or have interest in such as extra cardio or weights etc.I could wax on and on but it is time to get to bed. Night all

The time to weigh has arrived.....

2009-05-13T21:51:00.000+10:00

The time to weigh has arrived....drum roll......The past 3 days have been great. My beloved husband and I went out of town for a well deserved break. We went to Maffra for one night where we stayed at someones place..messy place....although we were eternally grateful for a roof over our heads for the night...it was a lovely house but also a messy one!! I being the queasy one - did not shower that night and this for me is unusual as I am someone that cannot sleep without a shower at night!!! The next morning the husband and I went along a lovely bike trail from Maffra to Stratford - a round trip of 21 km. I was quite proud of myself. We rewarded ourselves with a blueberry muffin and a skinny latte once we arrived in Stratford. I for one did not feel guilty and felt as though I had earned it. Lately I have been liking the feeling of EARNING calories back from the calorieking demon for activities such as cycling, walking etc so that if I have indulged then no worries...all is not lost with the world. However later in the piece of this blog - I will pay for feeling relaxed for one - losing guard and taking things a tad easier than they should be.We found ourselves at Meeniyan by the end of the day and this is where we set up post for the night. Very quickly we even managed to squeeze in a 6km ride in the fading light. Dinner was at the next door pub and although I had ordered grilled snapper and salad and chips - most of my chips went to husband dearest and I didnt even enjoy the snapper as it had way too many bones for my liking. In the morning, R and I went cycling from Meeniyan to Buffalo - a 22km round trip. In Buffalo we had a coffee and a yoyo but of course I had earned it as I was cycling......so this bit will not be discussed. By the time we got back to Meeniyan we were starving and so drove off to Fish Creek where we stopped for lunch. I ordered a chicken foccacia with a small Greek salad. Of course the chicken focaccia came as a chicken burger and although not ultra healthy - let me remind you that I had done a long ride and so the burger even was fine until I decided to order a coffee and ended up with a sticky date pudding with a coffee!!@#$%^& WHAT WAS I THINKING?I am now safely esconsed in my bed in Melbourne and filling out my eatings - in calorieking only to discover that I may have been within the calorie range but had blown out the fat and carb levels on both days. Moral of the story? Is there a moral to this? Well i think the bottom line is that I cannot afford to get oversmart and think I am one step ahead and that I have it all figured out......each day is a learning experience and I will have to take very small steps and only when I have achieved at least half the journey can I claim to say that I know something. Until then the temptations will always be there. It is after all so very easy to slip up that I dont even realise half of the time.Meanwhile the weighing in is overdue as I was away and I have now started a period where no doubt I will store water and feel bloated. Ominous signs this. Anyway, I think tomorrow will have to be a better day. I will have to make sure I go to gym and blast some calories away before I weigh myself.+++++++++++WATCH THIS SPACE UNTIL THEN!!!+++++++++++++++++

Day 3 and going well.

2009-05-13T21:50:00.000+10:00

Today is day 3 of my new life. I believe I have done better than I expected. As per calorieking I should be having 1700 calories per day. On Monday I totalled 1451kcals (this did include 2 biscuits unfortunately) and on Tuesday I used 1488 kcals and it was all healthy. I did go over the 200g limit on the carb though but not by much - 200.6.What brought me dangerously close to crossing the carb was a banana I had eaten. It wasnt a huge massive one - a regular sized <100g banana and it had all of 22.8grams of carb in it. And so when I went to cook my dinner, I had to do a lot of playing with the cals and their content to tailor it so I did not go hungry.In the end I believe each weightloss journey is different and we have to tailor things to our body patterns. So for instance I need to have a bigger breakfast so I do not have the munchies at 9am. So instead of 1/2 cup of oats I now have 3/4 cup of oats (dry weight). This keeps me going until 10am when I have my mandarin and a cup of tea.The annoying thing is that the calorie king website is great for monitoring th food side of things as the moment you are enot sure - all you have to do is enter the food and it tells you where you are at in terms of the calories/protein etc. However this great facility I have learnt can also be really annoying. This morning when my husband and I were cooking breakfast, I poured myself some orang juice and before I could take the hugely desired liquid to my lips he reminded me - 'dont forget to put it in the diary!' - I groaned and stoppd at my tracks and measured the juice, all 60 ml of it and then thought about whether it was worth having it or not - did a PhD on it and then made the informed decision to have it. One of my biggest pitfalls is what I term 'Invisible eating'. For me this happens quite easily and sometimes I even remember it days later - and then I wonder why I am not losing weight! So my new rule is to write down what I eat before I eat it!What do I want out of being healthy?I have asked myself this question many times. The answer is usually:
Be healthy and strong
Just feel as though I could go to a shop and pick what I wanted instead of actually checking first what items the shop actually had in my size and then decide from there.
Have more confidence. Look good next to my 70 kilo husband. Feel like I can match him step for step instead of him matching me.
LIVE LIFE 100% INSTEAD OF 50%
I find that although I do a lot of the things I want to, I hesitate with the little things like -
- Hating sitting on a foldable chair as I am always paranoid that it will break and I will look like a fool. You see when a skinny chick falls off a chair it is ok but when a fat chick falls off it is like it is all bcause of her weight! This makes me angry but also conscious.
- Feeling sorry for the size 30 person everyone on the street is staring at and pretending they are not looking. One of my flatmates once had a cousin from Greece visit her. We all went out for the night and I noticed that while my flatmate was running off ahead of her (being the conscious social butterfly she was she did not want to be associated with the fat cousin!), her cousin - a size 26 or thereabouts was puffing hopelessly being her. On reaching the pub, the flatmate went off to flirt with the barman while I sat with the cousin chatting. I could see she felt humiliated and hurt and quite ready to leave.
- Wearing a dress - I have never worn a dress in my life. I am one of those people that likes to wear clothes that look nice on me and not those that are en vogue. I would look bad in a dress at present and if I didnt look bad in it I would be conscious and uncomfortable in one. So for the moment my goal is to wear a dress at my brother in laws wedding in March sometime in Perth. This gives me 10 months to do so.
- Meanwhile I am ready for motherhood (what am I thinking) and so the hubby (who has been ready for the last 6 months but has been an absolute darling and not been pushy or hinting or anything) and I will start trying in Dec this year when we are holidaying in India (our honeymoon even though a year late by that stage). I want to have some semblance of health before we start the venture. I dont want to die on the operating table but be around for my gorgeous husband and baby.
There are so many instances that I am uncomfortable with that I feel like it all points to one direction: I am simply not comfortable with myself, I am ready to make that change and so here I am. The annoying thing is that having started my journey, I wanted to get to gym 5 days a week as I am already making 3 days easily - and I am down with flu! This means pretty much out of action for the week. Damn! But maybe this is a test of my resilience - albeit an early one.

The last time I was <100 kilos.....last century sometime!!!

2009-05-13T21:49:00.001+10:00

Tonight, at 8pm I have decided to commence my weightloss journey. I currently weight 112 kilos and my aim is to weigh 60 kilos. I suppose that makes it a weightloss of 52 kilos. A very challenging goal this. I start completely determined to give it my best shot yet and save my life to be able to live it to the best I can.I have never been someone that has been skinny but when I think of when my weight began to creep up, I can associate it to going to Scotland on a scholarship. This is the first time I saw the world of frozen food and its uniqueness to me. After all I came from a country where the only things frozen were ice creams and all else I ever ate had been fresh and boring. Boring chicken curry, aubergine 'bharta' (grilled aubergine, then mashed and spices added), plain and simply boring indian food. Frozen food was cool. I had read about it in books and always wondered what it tasted like and so I indulged in the made land of endless food isles and ready made frozen foods. I also indulged in all the various ice creams and chocolate that I could lay into. By the end of the 12 month period, my mother wept when she saw me. I had ballooned to over a 100 kilos!!!Since then I can only remember constant abuse of food - when I moved to Australia, the battle of the bulge continued and although my fascination with frozen food had ended post Scotland, the weight had continued to creep up. Australia in my first 7.5 years had been very very stressful. From being an international student to finding a job, a place to live during Grand Prix time when at one point I may have had to live in a phone box!!, endless visa stuff ups and bad immigration lawyers followed by worse choice of boyfriends and then a merry go round of another bad boyfriend, and another - all of my 7.5 years in Australia aged me and tired me an additional 10 years and I have grey hair (at least 200 strands!) to prove it - each time I lost a bit more self love and to combat all this - food was the answer. I ate and ate and it became my best friend. I wanted to be alone and I was happy with it and the way I saw it - I was waiting to die one day buried in a mound of food!!............But then one day I met the love of my life and to cut a long story short, 18 months later we are married and happy. Correction......madly and insanely and obscenely happy. He was ironically Australian and made all the tough years in Australia worth it. Maybe Australia decided to give me one of its own to heal me. A breast cancer scare also happened along the way somewhere. Luckily thats all it was...a scare... and so I want to be healthy, strong and make the most of my life. I also believe health is everything and I just dont know where to start. This is my millionth attempt and this time I hope I will succeed... So here goes....