My displaced hormones

The days I find really really difficult are those where I feel like I am not in control of my eating. I feel almost as though I am hypnotised and am totally under the power of a strong force within me. These are usually moments when I am staring at chocolates in the supermarket and am having a full blown conversation with myself as to whether I should go for the family bar or be 'good' and only have a couple of pieces of the rather yummy fudge. Then  I also go through the parallel conversation with the other side of my head that tells me that it isnt really good to have either and I try and think of how painful the gym workout was even though it made me feel great and challenged and all things good. I seem to have improved in some areas as these days I only go through these chats within my head during my period. Which brings me to the 'now'. I have been going crazy feeling like burying my head into a chocolate laden cake and cannot seem to.

Hence to gain some perspective I am going to list some reasons as to why I really want to lose this weight:

 - To look and feel healthy
 - To live longer - at present I am morbidly obese and I do not want to die of stroke.
 - TO HAVE A CHILD with the lovely man I call 'my husband, my partner, my love and also my BESTEST FRIEND in the whole wide world'.

There are all these clothes I have bought in the years gone by to have that sexy corporate look. Today I was going through my boxes as we are moving to our first home. I could not fit into any but I remember thinking of the moment when I bought these clothes. I felt I was just about to fit into the clothes and it was only a matter of time....mayb 6 months at most. I never in my  wildest imagination thought that 6 years later I was yet to fit my arse into the pants. These clothes, being classic can still be worn and now I still feel that I cannot give these clothes away as I must give it one last shot and try and fit into them by the end of this year. So these clothes will be taken to the new place and stashed away at the back of my cupboard. The clothes are not all that unrealistic to fit into either. They are all sizes 14 or 16 australian. However it will require a stronger sense of commitment that I have right now. I am proud of being really healthy at present but I cannot make too many mistakes if I am to fit my arse into the pants. I know that I have at least 10-12 kilos to lose before I can even dream of getting into the pants and shirts but I know that as long as I record my thoughts in my blog and read other blogs and their challenges, successes and journey and as long as I try and be the best that I can be, I will be right. I do not want to over-focus on a weight number as that will just do my head in and if I do not see the number I want I will be absolutely shattered.

So I need to get back to the food diary and not miss any gym and most of all pretty much 'EAT LESS  MOVE MORE'. By 'eat less' I do not mean that I should starve, it just means that I should do what I am doing and just increase my protein a bit more. Calories wise I will aim for 1300-1400 calories a day.